If it doesn’t fit, don’t buy it.

My first clothes shopping trip, I was a mess. Several people had come with me to make it easier, but I was a mess. So at one point, I’m in the dressing room with Jen Tait, and the clothing I was looking at wasn’t fitting well.I was trained to look at this as a failure in ME, you see. I was taught that asking for a size larger meant that there was something wrong with me, that I had failed, that I was going to be yelled at and demeaned. I wanted to run out of the dressing room. Instead I just looked in the mirror and cried and cried.  Jen Tait saw me, and told me that they’re all cut differently, even if they’re from the same designer one size dress might fit differently in a different design, and that I had to try them on, and keep adjusting sizes until it looked right. She said if it didn’t fit and I bought it, I just wouldn’t wear it, and it would be a waste of time and money. She also said it didn’t mean anything…that size was so arbitrary…and that I needed to feel good with what I was buying.

She let me cry for a bit, and went and got me new sizes.

I don’t remember if I bought that dress or not. What I remember is going home and looking at my closet…at all the clothes I had bought before and just WOULD NOT WEAR because I would rather pay for them in shame and run out of the store than return them and get a larger size.

I’ve thrown out most of those clothes, and every once in a while I do a closet cleansing. When I do, I always remember Jen. I remember that, if it doesn’t make me feel good, I won’t wear it, so I shouldn’t let it take up space, and I don’t. I throw it out.