Tag Archives: Spirit

Healing and Echoes and Strings (oh my)

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So this place where I am now….I’ve been thinking a lot about emotion. I’m gonna get witchy here for a few moments. If you don’t believe in that stuff, that’s fine, the belief isn’t important for the concept. I’m going to connect some seemingly unconnected dots.

Let’s start in the real world. If you are in a room full of string instruments, and you play a note, say an A, then every instrument in that room that has a string tuned to an A will start vibrating. Or rather, their A string will start vibrating. All of them. Even if that string is tuned to a different octave of A, they’ll all vibrate. Science shows us this, and it has to do with sound wavelengths.

I’ve always found this an interesting metaphor, because when we go out and show our weirdness, other people with the same weirdness vibrate too. Shit, have you FELT the energy around any kind of convention that addresses your particular weirdness? Steampunk, Anime, Gaming, Comics, Movies, Disney, …fuck even let’s say Antique Cars, or Yard Sales. There’s this kind of energy that happens when you love those things and you talk to someone else who loves those things. (Especially when you talk about WHY you love those things. That turns up the volume somehow, I’m not sure why.)

= = =

In the Non-Ordinary Worlds there’s a lot of things that can affect the power of someone’s magic. How much you believe in yourself, love yourself for example, can absolutely effect things…but your emotional state at the time of the work absolutely affects things in an extreme way. If you are angry, or frightened or worried or scared, or in need, those feelings have this kind of vibrational level that amp things up somehow.

I heard two of my Elders speaking a couple of years ago (I will quote you if I am allowed to, you know who you are, but without your permission I will not) and one said something that stuck in my head and sent me on a meditation journey that lasted several years. She was talking about a candle, a small candle like a tea light, and she said, “It’s as big as the Heart of the Sun.”

I felt like that was truly important…and originally when I thought about it I kind of felt like it meant that every flame, no matter where it is or how small, has the desire to become as big as it can, that they all have the potential for growth and the desire to consume, and later I came to realize it’s not that at all.

I mean, that’s true…but it’s not that at all.

What it really is is that every fire in the world, in ALL the worlds, started somewhere as a spark, and every spark kind of has the memory of what it is to be that huge. Not all of them WANT to be that big, but they all REMEMBER it, it’s kind of in their DNA, and they can, if they want to or need to, expand in the Non-Ordinary realms, to be bonfire huge, or planet huge. And it’s not difficult to do, or even a stretch, because it’s part of the essence of what they are. Fire burns. That’s what it does. When you look at the SPIRIT of fire, it doesn’t matter how small the fire is…the spirit of it, the energy of it, is this twisty, dancing burning thing of light and heat. It is always that thing. It is never not that thing.

I started thinking about other elements then. Does every drop of water remember the ocean? Does every grain of sand remember the planet? Does every breath or whisper remember the Hurricane?

Yes, yes, yes.

“Okay. Great,” I said to myself. But what does it mean? It feels very important…And it has something to do with those strings echoing in a room…how does it connect?

= = =

People say, “Think globally, act locally.” There’s validity to that. Healing the planet (and the planet, not just the greenhouse gases and climate change, but the animals on it, including us, we need healing) is such a huge job that individuals can’t do it. But if all of us heal our little circle of people, eventually that ripples out to the planet. Eventually things get fixed. There are too many humans that are shitty to other humans, and that means everyone from racists and transphobes to bullies that make our children want to hurt themselves. How can we fix that? Is that even possible?

…It would be faster if I could make it echo. How do I do that?

= = = =

It made me start asking myself, what is the smallest unit of a human being? I don’t mean zygotes or DNA, I mean the common thinking feeling denominator of being human? I spent months and months on this question trying to figure it out, knowing that it was important and not really being sure WHY it was important, but it was.

And then finally, one day, it hit me. Our common denominators are all emotions…fear, weakness, joy, love, laughter, pain…all of us feel those things. That is important…but why? Why is that important? It was driving me in this weird way, knowing that there was something important there but not understanding what it was.

= = = = =

In the Otherworlds, emotion is practically currency….I mean, you can’t buy things with it, there aren’t things to buy in the same way, but everything you do, every person or thing you talk to, all the discussions are steered by your emotional state. If you are a kind and loving person, you have kind and loving interactions. If you have done your shadow work, the interactions are stable. If you have not…well…chaos can ensue. It doesn’t always, but its not unusual.

= = = =

There’s this roleplaying game called Wraith where your in-game powers are driven by Pathos, the more emotional something is, the more you can power it and drive it. Rage filled ghosts can do extreme things like possess people or become poltergeists.

= = = =

Emotion vs. Passion. Emotion is the thing you feel. Passion the amplitude at which you feel. You can love someone (emotion) or you can LOVE someone so much that you will jump in front of a bullet (passion).

Passion is the depths and heights of the sine wave of whatever you feel. It’s not what you feel. It’s how much bandwidth the signal requires. What you feel is how long the wave is from left to right. Your passion is how tall the wave is from top to bottom.

What you feel is the note. Passion is the volume.

= = = =

Heal the world. Heal yourself. Emotions are the common denominator. Two strings vibrating. The heart of the candle, the heart of the sun, the drop of water, the breadth of the ocean, magic answers need, be your weirdness, there is too much hate here, echoing strings, the weakness of infants, emotions have power.

BAM.

= = = =

Every human knows what it is like to be weak. To be helpless. To have to depend on other people for light, for love. Every human somewhere remembers in the same way the candle does what it is to be whole. Independent, Loving, Complete. Everyone craves it (possibly the candle craves it too, to be one with its source….that will require more thought) craves wholeness.

I have been struggling my whole life for this. Originally because I thought I was having children and I didn’t want to do to them what was done to me. It was important that I heal so that I didn’t do more damage. I damaged people who loved me because I was so broken I couldn’t believe that they loved me, even when they did. I told them they didn’t and they just didn’t know…they THOUGHT they loved me, but they didn’t.

(Gods help me, I gaslighted people and not even on purpose. I was just so lost, I assumed that anyone who loved me was also lost. I am so sorry. So very sorry. And I still love.)

But my healing…it has a resonance. And there are so many people like me, who have gone through the same things, who are also trying to heal.

These fears, these pains, they are the common denominator for all of us. By putting them out there, you resonate too, because you feel those things, you know them.

= = = =

Which means as I heal, if you can imagine those things, you can resonate and change too.

I am going to say that again because it’s really important.

As I heal, if you can imagine those things, you can resonate and change too.

= = = =

It’s just the string echoing. It’s not something you have to DO, it’s something you have to LET HAPPEN. Don’t over think it.

Just Be.

= = = = =

Keep reading these posts, these notes. They’re also on my website going back for several years because I moved them over when FB lost the Notes feature. The writings go back as far as 2009, but you would probably do best starting here and moving forward. This is where the note starts sounding, and where the healing starts. http://brujahquemando.com/wordpress/?m=201412

Just read them, and feel them, and just be. Sit with the thoughts, don’t rush to the next one. Let them perk in your brain and just THINK them and FEEL them. Especially FEEL them.

All this healing may be easier than you think. I mean, that’s the hope.

But what have you got to lose?

Spring Equinox – 2020

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I’ve been thinking about the Spring Equinox…and what that means in the face of the Corona Virus and Quarantines. I mean, the equinox is a place of balance…it’s in the name, (Equi-nox, equal night) and things feel so out of whack right now. I mean…empty shelves in the supermarket? An inability to buy toilet paper? Who’da thunk it?

But panic is what happens when you don’t trust the people in charge of your well being.

I mean, ask any child who grew up in an abusive household. This is where we’re at, all the disenfranchised folks, whether that’s women, people of color, (any color), the less able-bodied, the elderly, the non-binary, the non-neuro-typicals, the homeless, the poor, the non-christian…all of us have been heading for this point for a long time. This is a dark place this place that we’ve come to. This is a tipping point.

In February, for Imbolc, (and I’m not sure how much of this is actual history and how much of it is my personal philosophy after watching the Wheel turn year after year and observing the cycles) there is a quickening that happens. Imbolc is symbolically the “home stretch,” meaning that, if you survived winter through Imbolc, you were likely going to survive the winter. But it’s also a time period for the planet….if the planet begins to give birth in the spring, when does she get pregnant? At Imbolc. That time period when there is mostly dark, and one spark of hope…which can take the form of a candle in the darkness, the light at the end of the tunnel, or the sperm heading for the womb as the spark of life. Life brings hope. It’s the way of things.

So here we are, heading for Spring, and there is all this darkness. Here comes the equalness of night and day, the balance of the two…and yet everything feels so dark still. Interesting how we have to withdraw, go into our homes, spend time alone with ourselves. How did we get here?

I have my opinions on that, mostly about poor leadership…but I’m not sure at this point in time that it matters. What matters is, what are we going to DO about it?

People make all this fuss about the EQUALITY of day and night at this time, and I find that really ironic. Because that equality, which is absolutely valid, only lasts for a SPLIT SECOND of time. Light is increasing, its sine wave is traveling uphill, and Dark is decreasing, it’s sine wave is traveling downhill, and the equinox is that moment when they cross. That’s it. It’s just a moment. (I mean, I think it was Mr. Miyagi that said, “…it’s not so old if you are a tree….” and in that perspective, the historical perspective, even if night and day were equal for a full 24 hours….that’s one 365th of the year. .0027 of the year…and you get to double that for the second equinox if you like. It’s still a tiny tiny fraction.)

The important thing to me, at the equinox, is “who is rising right now? Who is getting stronger?” and right now, that’s the light. The light is getting stronger.

Stronger light means stronger shadows. It means things can be seen clearly. It means it becomes easier to tell what is what by just looking, without having to work so hard to figure it out.

So take a look at yourself right now, in your panic and anxiety. In your annoyance with those who panic. In your frustration at being cooped up at home. In your disgust at how we treat each other, or what we’ve allowed to come to pass. Take a look at the actions that have been done to defend you or protect you. A look at the actions that hurt you. Politically there have been many promises made…but actions speak louder than words…are you really protected? Are you really cared for? Has this pandemic demonstrated that anything like your situation is being considered? Who is providing for your bills? Your health? Your food? Is your job helping you? Or is your leadership? Is your family? Are your friends?

In this crisis, who has been fighting for you to make sure you are okay? And who seems to just not give a fuck?

The light is coming. It’s dark right now….but one could easily say that this pandemic has showed us the true colors of the people around us. That in itself is enlightening. It is sad, but it is truth. Don’t shut your eyes to the truth.

For the Spring Equinox, I ask that you use the light to truly see what is happening. To see who is taking advantage of you. To see who really cares about your well-being. I pray that you use this light and shine it into the dark corners people sometimes use to hide from the truth.

I hope that what you find doesn’t make you too sad. It is a time of darkness right now, after all. But the light is coming. Like the seeds in springtime, reach for the light.

I pray that you use it to truly see, see all the beauty and all the ugliness….and act accordingly.

…And by “act accordingly,” I mean, “make decisions,” about who and what you keep, who and what you let go…and who (and what) you vote for in the future.