I’m shifting…it’s only fitting.  I have many things going on.  I may be incorporating more of my witchy shamanigans and my writing.  I have this place, and I’m not really actively pursuing customers.  If I’m paying for it, I may as well use it.

So I wrote this last night, and I’m putting it here.  They know who they are, I think.  Or maybe they don’t.  Judging from the subject matter, maybe they don’t.  That’s okay.  I will stay with them until they remember.

I’m calling it “Phoenix” for now.

= = = = = = = = =

I had a dream with you the other day
As I lay on the table in the dark silence
We were in the Otherworld, you and i
And I knew we’d been there before, together,
But you were wandering, alone and lost
And did not recognize me.

Your eyes were wide,
Hopeful and fearful,
And I held my arms open for you to fall into,
Slightly hurt that you did not know me,
Full of sadness and love for you.
You were so lost, not knowing where you were
Not knowing who to trust,
And you stiffly fell against me, not remembering.

I wrapped you in a blanket, wanting to comfort you,
And you accepted it, still unsure of me.
Then I saw a creature on you, in your body like a parasite and swiftly
Yanked it out of your body,
threw it onto the floor
Seeing how it frightened you, how you did not understand,
And when it tried to get away I was enraged.
It had invaded you, perhaps this was why you had forgotten me.
I violently attacked it, beating it to death,
Knowing behind me you were flinching from me,
Unable to stop in my fury, screaming as I hit it,
Punching until it evaporated into inky black patches of smoke
And the only blood was from my bleeding knuckles
As I hit the ground with force.

You were backing away from me.

I reached toward you with open hands
And you shrank back from the blood on my fingers.
You were like an angel who had never seen blood,
Did not know what it was,
So innocent, so frightened
“No! It’s okay now, I promise, it’s gone!”
And I put my arms around you to hold you and comfort you.

The two of us together feels so natural that you relax
But you do not trust me or understand.
I wonder what will get through to you when suddenly
Your mouth falls open like in pain.
“It will be okay,” I say. “I know it hurts now,
But it will be okay.”

There is fire in your body and it is coming to the surface of your skin.
Why am I not frightened?
I raise my hands up your body and your face is glowing from the fire inside
Preparing to scream or burn.

“Shhhhh,” I say soothingly, “i know it hurts,
But I would never hurt you, it’s almost over, shhhh,”
And the skin of your face blisters and cracks and blackens.
It splits open and….
There are new frightened eyes inside.

“It’s okay,” I say, “this wasn’t you. This is all to be discarded.”
I reach and pull apart the old face like I am ripping open a zipper,
And underneath it you are wet and naked and scared.

I hold your face and look into your eyes, filling you with the love I have for you
Knowing it will not last, that you must fill this void yourself or it will keep happening over and over.
I light a Spirit Fire and use it to fill you with light.
In that moment I know every inch of the pattern of your soul
The way water knows the shape of the vase.
As it fills you I am with it, running into every nook and crevice of your history
All your pains, all your joys
And I love you so very much.

“Let me take this off you,” I say, as we pull of the old burned layers like clothing
And I discard them into the fire.
You are naked again, and even though I know your soul so intimately
It feels private and awkward, and I get you another blanket.

“Let me hold you, love,”
And you curl your head into my chest, unsure if I am human or monster.
I’m not sure myself,
But we are both sure I will keep you safe.
“Let us walk together a while,
And maybe you’ll remember who I am.
I’ve missed you so very much.
And you are safe with me.”

I know I would die for you.
I know you don’t know who I am.
I know I will do this for you over and over until you remember.

Wake up, my phoenix-love.
Your pain is killing me.