One of the consequenes of facebook is that I avoid LJ. I don’t write as much because I don’t have the time. School of course, intrudes on my time as well. I don’t know what this does as far as privacy, or notifying people, or calling attention to itself. So I guess this is a “test drive” as it were.

Sometimes I feel radioactive…like there’s something in my aura that makes me toxic if people stand too close for too long. It happens mostly when I have my period, I get paranoid that no one really wants me around.

Last night we had a pajama party for my birthday at a fondue place. I wasn’t sure how many people would come at all, much less come in their pajamas. But there’s this thing about fondue…it’s very communal. Everyone is kind of gathered around this little pot and reaching over and around each other, there’s little dippy things everywhere, and you have to wait for the food to cook (usually about 2 minutes) so it really encourages talking, catching up, relaxing…and in my opinion, pajamas.

I’m all about decadence. (Have ya met me? It’s a way of life.) I’m all about satin pajamas (I really need to get us some satin sheets. We have flannel for the winter, but no real luxurious sheets) and foods in dippy sauces, and warm moccassins and food and friends and family. Once I went to this place and saw how amazingly yummy it was, it was really my first thought to have a group of friends there, in our pajamas. I’ll go anywhere in my pajamas (much to Rob’s chagrin) but fondue seemed to really scream for it.

Anyway, to have my friends turn up the way they did, in their pajamas, some of them from very long distances, just to have dinner with me…well…it doesn’t sit well with being radioactive. The two are antithetical.

I have wonderful friends and family. I don’t understand why I do. I know it has something to do with me, and them loving me, and I’m not sure why they do. But I am grateful. It’s not that I don’t feel I’m worth loving…I know that I am, in the same way that everyone is. But I’m not sure why I am special enough to merit THESE people, I feel like if I understood it I would know something about myself that I don’t know currently. There’s something about me that I don’t get.

It might be as simple as not really being toxic. or radioactive. or whatever. But I think it’s more than that. Anyway, it was a good birthday. My ancestors hooked us up for the weather, the waiter and waitress were very nice, the food was good, and the company was even better.

I’m grateful. It was good.