Tag Archives: gaming

Dexcon 2018

Uncategorized, , , ,

Every con is something different, you know? Every time, it’s like falling into this environment, and for me, every time it’s like I’m a different person. As if the Role Play wasn’t enough, I myself evolve in leaps and bounds, sometimes in the middle of the con itself, and sometimes because of long-ranging after effects. It’s literally chemistry, each of us with loose bits and pieces that spin off and connect to others…we bond, we separate, we spin, (or we remain noble, like the gases, and not changing no matter what happens to us). There are catalysts that change us long after we are gone, if we sit, digest, examine. I love being with my people. This time around was me learning that yes, they like to be with me too. I forget that sometimes. The Elder had said, “See yourself the way we see you and rejoice, the way we rejoice when we see you.” There was a lot of looking to see myself in the face of others. I love what I see, so thank you all.

My favorite moments at the con were surprising ones for me. I was overwhelmed by Giganta in her wrestling glory, cracking coconuts on her biceps and roaring. That woman brought so much RP to the table it expanded my capabilities at later games. She, AHT , managed to spread it around for me so I could do and be more later on. Thank you A….I feel like you made me a better gamer. That was run by the lovely JZ, wrestling fan extraordinaire….I think my favorite prop is the microphone and when he does the commentary. It’s just different when you can ask a question and push the microphone into someone’s face, somehow.

In Bulldogs with Brennan I played a character that was physically cute (kind of like the Geico lizard) and every person at the table was so open to rolling with whatever that I turned into a tourist in the bad neighborhood, snapping Selfies when there was a mugging in the background, and doing the equivalent of wearing an “I ♥ NY” shirt and carrying around a map looking at the sky scrapers. It was ridiculous and fun, and I really liked how we all just rolled with that character in the same game as Steve’s raptor, literally trying to kill and eat people for starting trouble with us. Bulldogs is a lovely universe. There needs to be stories written in this venue. Brennan Taylor, is there fan fiction here? There should be.

I was most surprised by the blood lust raised in S’s Velvet Glove game. By the end of the game I had used a soldering iron to brand the words “Not Safe. Do Not Fuck,” on this guy’s chest because he put one of our girl gang members in the hospital. I forget, sometimes, how I have such a vindictive side. It feels like this game is a safe outlet for that. I’ll have to try again to be sure, though, so expect me again at some point, Seraphina, if you’ll have me.

Out of character there were surprises too. KS ran a Swords Without Master game, which ran primarily on storytelling, and only used dice to determine the tone of the story at a given moment. I spent some time rolling around in that, feeling what it was like to have complete freedom, and how we could all be collaborative about that. K had made me feel safe as a player in a different game, which in turn made me realize exactly how UNsafe I had been feeling up until then. (Some burdens you can’t feel until you put them down.) So I jumped on the opportunity to game with him as an ST so I could feel that a bit more. In-character play leads to out-of-character evolution. I’ll take it. I’ll take it every chance I can.

TR and I had a talk which reminded me of a quote from Neil Gaiman. “Just because a story never happened, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.” Sometimes bigger truths are revealed through small fictions. I am grateful to have met these guys, really. All of them are awesome.

I tried gaming with MQfor the first time. I’d do that again, thank you. I’m not sure how I feel about the Seven Wonders system, but I like the IDEA of it very much. I love the front cover of the book too, like anything and everything can and does happen.

I got more JB than I usually get, and that was lovely. I’m so glad he’s not tired of me. I’m absolutely going to do more of that if he lets me. His Bulldogs game with CV was a blast (I loved the Ursemenite claiming to go through rehab and complaining because he got caffeinated iced tea sending it back for a decaf) and like everything in Bulldogs, it’s all gold. His Dune game was awesome too, though I accidentally figured out the plot line very early in the game, I didn’t KNOW I figured it out…so it was like Conspiracy Theory where I didn’t know which theory I guessed was right. I played that twice, once with C and R, and the next with RF and JF. I was just glad to be at the table, and the tone of the two games was very different, which was also interesting.

Final Girl was wonderful as always…a monster movie in the Australian Outback, and one of the characters I invented turned out to be the betrayer of the party. It’s always a wonderful way to end the con. It was great. It also had JB AND KS at the table, so that was like I lucked into a Bonus Round. Super fun all around.

Thank you all. I’ll be around as long as you’ll have me at your various tables!

A Thank You for my Gamers.

Uncategorized, , , , , , , ,

Written after Dexcon.

I miss you all already. And because I did, I wanted you to see you how I see you. You are all so very beautiful to me. Thank you for a wonderful con, and for being such wonderful stories yourselves.

= = = = = = =

I am a sensual creature. I do not mean this in the sexual sense, which would be far too limiting. I mean it literally. I am very conscious that every sense I have in my body is used for data processing, and all my senses are input. I see and feel connections everywhere. In this place where four or five days are spent almost entirely in a consensually agreed-upon reality, where gender is a construct with so many nuances and flavors, where the only moral rules are that we respect one another’s right to exist and imagine, there are the senses I have in my body as I sit at the table, and the senses of the creature I am playing as I roll dice or pull cards to determine outcomes. My nature is to dive deeply.

I love that I find every-thing here. I love that every sensation I choose to create comes in so many nuances and subtle flavors, like a fine wine with notes of honey and an aftertaste of chocolate. I love that I say, “GIVE ME DESERT,” and the people around me respond with so many flavors I can choose exactly the thing I crave.

I say, GIVE ME DESERT and they say,

“I give you dustbowl, Stetson, spurs.”

“I give you Magic, flames, dragons sandstorms, Djinn.”

“I give you a place at the bottom of the ocean where the waters fear to tread.”

“I give you oasis, lush land surrounded by sand that calls to you to see what lies beyond.”

 

I say, “GIVE ME FLIGHT,” and they say,

“I give you wings.”

“I give you cape.”

“I give you trance, soaring great distances with your mind.”

“I give you a beast to ride, I give you Dragon, Gryphon, Winged Horse, Giant Owl.”

“I give you plane, I give you ship.”

“I give you Mouse in the claw of Owl.”

 

…Among my people, “Flight,” is such a feeble request. It should be done with style.

 

EveryoneTalkingAtOnceEveryoneTalkingAtOnceEveryoneTalkingAtOnce

and me

Mostly listening, sometimes talking

Feeling surrounded by minds who make imagination into ART

Feeling plugged into something so huge it is literally

Everything

At

Once.

I believe we are the stories that we tell, that the things we repeat are the things we choose to remember, sometimes they are fables and lessons, and other times they are shining moments of pride or glory. This place gives them to me, gives them to the people around me and for a moment I see flashes in every room, as a dice roll brings cheers or groans, as people have epiphanies or fall from great heights, like angels. Like shaman, we bring these pieces of ourselves back home, the stories become part of who we are, what we admire or adore. We polish them and share them with others of our kind, or sometimes bring them to newcomers to see if they resonate. We share the stories with children, in the hope that they will admire the things we do, that they will become the next generation of this thing that we are.

All my senses are here. I taste beer, water, tequila, rum, mountain dew, lemonade, iced tea, caffeine, caffeine, caffeine.

I smell the humidity of air conditioning, a light (thank goodness, we are not always that lucky) smell of sweat, and the odors of food deliveries and coffee…always coffee.

I hear so many things, dice rolling, cards turning and flipping, snapping down like an act of war, I hear the seductive whispers of demons and gods, the lure of missions (should you choose to accept them), the groans of zombies, the scratching sound of something in the next room that has no name, the promise of a chance to be a legend, the roaring (or hissing) of a watching crowd.

I see hair in so many colors, more genders than I have names for, smiles everywhere. I see long multi-colored scarves and bow ties, animal ears and horns, face paint, shirts with jokes that only this community would understand, and all these things connect me like a hard wire line into a culture where morality is at first clear-cut and then smudged because blurred lines make it more interesting, where villainy has value, where deeds, interests, depth…these things are the coin of the realm.

I feel so many things. I feel the snugness of slipping into a hole that has been shaped exactly just for me. I feel like the eye of a storm looking around at all the stories that surround me, loving each one of these people so very much because I see myself in them, and I love myself, so I cannot help but love them. I love how their imagination is so fertile that they can grow anything in total darkness.

I have discerning tastes. I mean that literally as well, it comes with the Deep Dive. I mean that I discern, I roll experiences around in my mouth to find the subtle flavors and scents in them. I know my friends by the way they raise their arm to accommodate me as I sneak under to be held as they discuss the finer points of the plaything I have asked them to provide. They pop out of the woodwork like seductive merchants at an outdoor market.

“I have a desert,” says one, “so dusty and dry, that tumbleweeds are the dominant life form. There is a legend they are going somewhere to meet up together. Would you like to find out what they’re planning?”

“Nonsense,” says another, “I have a desert that has been burned into volcanic glass by dragons. No one can walk across the Million Bladed Desert because the shards of glass cut them to ribbons. But if you tame a dragon…”

“If you have a more discerning palate,” says a third, “The Desert of Abandoned Dreams would be far more to your liking…”

They make art on the fly, tell stories so intriguing I want to hear them all, play them all. I want to know how it would feel to be evil and fall in love…would I destroy the thing that would save me? Would I redeem myself? Which is the better story? What mood am I in today?

We are grouped together by interests, self-chosen to be heroes (and villains), and sometimes to explore aspects of ourselves, try them on for size, see if we want to take them home for a more permanent arrangement.

It’s really no secret why I miss you all. Why I want to go back. Why five days is not enough for me. Why twice a year is not enough.